Mother’s Day Was Born From Grief-Not Greeting Cards
After Easter, the Next Holiday on the Shelves Is Mother’s Day
Now that Easter has passed, the store aisles start shifting. Pastels turn into bouquets. Baskets turn into cards. And suddenly everywhere you look it’s Mother’s Day.
For some people, that feels sweet and simple. For others, it can feel like walking into a room where everyone is speaking a language you don’t have words for. If you’ve lost your mom, if your relationship was complicated, or if this day stirs grief you thought you’d already “handled,” you’re not alone.
What many people don’t know is that Mother’s Day in the United States has always been more layered than the marketing suggests. It didn’t start as a greeting-card holiday. It began with women trying to protect families, shape communities, and even change the course of history.
Before Brunch, It Was a Call for Peace
One early effort came from Julia Ward Howe, an abolitionist, women’s rights advocate, and peace activist. In 1870, horrified by the destruction she witnessed during the Civil War and concerned about war unfolding abroad, she wrote what became known as the “Mother’s Day Proclamation,” urging women to unite for peace and influence global decision-making.
When that broader vision didn’t take hold, Howe pursued an annual “Mother’s Day for Peace,” observed in June, an idea that did happen in a few places for a while.
Even in its earliest form, Mother’s Day wasn’t only about celebration. It was about the weight women carry and what care, courage, and community can do in a wounded world.
The Mother Who Built the Foundation
The Mother’s Day we recognize today is more directly rooted in the work of Ann Maria Reeves Jarvis and her daughter, Anna Jarvis.
Ann Jarvis bore more than a dozen children, and most died from illnesses that were common at the time. Out of that heartbreak, she worked tirelessly in her community to help other families avoid the tragedies she had suffered.
She organized “Mothers’ Work Clubs” and promoted “Mother’s Work Days,” where women came together to improve public health conditions and hygiene in their communities. It was quiet, practical work that saved lives.
During the Civil War, in a region deeply divided, she insisted that women’s groups support soldiers on both sides who were sick or wounded. After the war, she organized a “Mother’s Friendship Day” in 1868, despite threats of violence, to bring divided families back together and restore a sense of community.
This is the part of the story I love: Mother’s Day was never meant to be shallow. It began with women doing hard things, with tenderness and grit.
The Irony: The Holiday Was Established by a Motherless Daughter
After Ann Jarvis died, her daughter Anna Jarvis set out to honor her mother by establishing a national Mother’s Day on the second Sunday in May, which was also the day her mother died. Anna never married and never had children, and she focused the holiday on honoring one’s own mother.
She chose white carnations as the symbol and urged people to write heartfelt letters of gratitude (in her mind, pre-printed cards didn’t count). In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the first national Mother’s Day, just before the start of World War I.
The holiday that can feel so painful for motherless daughters was, in a real way, shaped by one. Wow!
Then It Became What She Never Intended
Anna Jarvis later became deeply distressed by the commercialization of the day, feeling the holiday had shifted away from honoring women’s work and toward benefiting florists and greeting card companies. She even started a petition to have Mother’s Day recalled in 1943.
Five years later, she died penniless in a sanitarium, with her bills paid by the very industries she criticized.
If Mother’s Day Feels Complicated, That Makes Sense
If you feel tender about Mother’s Day, you’re not “doing it wrong.” This day has always carried complexity, love and loss, celebration and longing, gratitude and grief. Your feelings make sense.
And you don’t have to carry those feelings alone.
Support for Mother Loss: Group + Individual Therapy
If Mother’s Day brings your grief to the surface, I offer support in two ways:
Motherless Daughters Group Therapy
Tuesdays | 7:00–8:15 PM | Zoom (Online)
Wednesdays | 7:00–8:15 PM | North Office
$50 per session
Individual Therapy for Mother Loss
For those who prefer a private space, I also offer individual therapy to explore your unique story and support you through triggers, milestones, complicated grief, and the long echoes of mother loss.
If you’d like to explore whether group or individual work is the best fit, reach out for a brief consultation.
